Lying down with your face embedded into a massage table is an easy place for a mind wander. If you've ever had a massage or seen Eddy Merckx in la Course en tete you'll know what I talking about. The Cannibal is getting rubbed down after a stage in the Giro that he won but his mind is a universe away reliving his day in vivid and glorious clarity. It's an awesome scene and one I think everyone can transcend and relate to similarly when they're getting a massage.
this can be a double edge sworn though because it cuts both ways. For instance if you have not had a particularly good day there's a decent bet you're going to lay there reliving it and obsess over it.
I really need a massage right now and I've got one scheduled for 5pm tonight. It's been over a year since my last one and I am really looking forward to the physical and emotional release of a great deal of tension. However I had a conversation today illuminating issues I worry will echo in my mind like a tom-tom the whole time and greatly compromise, even ruin the relaxation and healing I am hoping for.
Everyone has stuff. Nobody skates through life perfectly. I'm not special but I do have a high tolerance for pain but even I realize just how wrung out I am over this. At this point the truth is I'm dusted and don't want to worry about it anymore. Not that I am ducking culpability because I'm not. I will do whatever is necessary to make things better. But having said that we are not always in a position to amend events just when we want to and trying to force the issue will get your ass a helluva lot further from the solution than closer. Wishing upon a star, agonizing over what you should've done won't fix a damn thing either so all in all its just a tough spot.
A friend reminded me that most times the act of 'manning-up' is the best way to get over stuff and move forward. So that's what I doing. It feels more like a process than a single act but then again it starts with one decision so maybe it is just one thing. Regardless I have man'd -up and took what was coming to me and said my piece too. I really hope things work out and believe in my core they will but for now whats done is done. It's time now to wait and see. That's all I can do. That's all anyone can do. We do our best.
Now bring on Course en tete. Bring it in HD, censor-round & wide screen. I just aged myself.